I began my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training and the kids are back to school. It is now officially beautifully busy. The kind of busy that wipes you out and then replenishes you so that you can keep going. This is how I know I am working in the right direction. It is self-sustaining, there is work and sweat but also lots of joy and excitement.
In all this beautiful come and go and figure out and drive around- I stopped writing. This is particularly dangerous for me. Writing is part of my healing process, it keeps me sane, it is my companion, and most importantly I am committed to writing. I promised to write thru thick and thin, during adversity and triumph, busy or completely still. Yet days have gone by and not a word has been written.
The thing is when I stop doing something that I love and am committed to something happens; the energy of fear seeps in and all the voices that come with fear gain force. The fear is that I will never write again and the voices say that indeed I have proven I wasn’t very committed at all “duh” they say. You would think one stops the thinking and resumes the commitment but that’s not exactly how it works. Instead we listen to these voices and question them. Are they speaking truth? Perhaps there is no use in such commitment? Perhaps we have erred? Perhaps this or the other and it goes on and on.
But what if perhaps these voices serve a purpose? What if we surrender to the fact that we have contemplated them for awhile. Maybe they want to open our eyes and remind us that we are in love with the commitment and will not give up. Despite the stopping we will continue and the energy will realign itself (if we are indeed in love with the commitment at hand). In this light we could simply begin again without further agony.
There will be work to do and small wounds to heal. This is part of the messy process called life and of being committed to writing or anything at all; to simply begin again and again and again and again and again as many times needed.
So if we’ve for any reason stopped something that is still important to us….here we go….again!
All the love,